i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
