why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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