I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
