My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
