I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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