you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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