ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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