the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
