Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
