Pappa wants mamma naked
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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