So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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