Cold hands, warm shart.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
