You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize