I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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