Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
