I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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