I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
