everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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