dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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