This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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