I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
