How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
