i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
