And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
why do cheetos always look like penises
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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