Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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