Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
