it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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