i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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