I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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