I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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