i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
