you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
