He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
