Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
