I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize