I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dick very happy bro
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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