you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
