was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
