its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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