Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize