M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is my gift to your gina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
