just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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