i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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