Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize