with your own penis?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
