So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The Olympian is in my bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
