I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
