I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
