I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We have so much sex to catch up on
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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