How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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