I can't watch pbs sober anymore
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
