So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize