You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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