Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
