after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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