Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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