I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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