my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
