Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry about my life...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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