so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
