Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
