I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
