No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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