He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
