I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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