You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
