It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
