Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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