Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
