so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
