Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize