I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
