Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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