dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
